It's been a long time coming. Ever since I can remember I was always called "fat". From my mother to my family and friends. Be it a term of endearment or because I was truly overweight, those words always hit hard. I remember in elementary school kids would say the meanest things. Things I refuse to repeat as they are not needed to remind me how mean people can be. The funny part is that I wasn't as "fat" as people made me feel. I went through high school covering up and wearing baggy clothes because I was, in my eyes, "fat".
 |
| 276 lbs! |
Once in college, due to many different situations, I lost some weight and kind of grew into my own body and style. I felt comfortable in my own skin and I think it had to do with being away from those who had labeled me "fat" before. I dated and was feeling normal for once in my life.
I met the man I would marry, and continued on with life. I ended up pregnant with my daughter and gained a little bit of weight, but it wasn't until I found myself home, with a very sick baby that my weight started to go up!
 |
| At my heaviest! 276 pounds! |
Mari was a very colicky baby who had acid reflux and it took us the first 6 months of her life to figure that out! She would cry constantly and wouldn't sleep. I was sleep deprived, anxious and depressed. How did I deal? With food! I ate everything I could get my hands on! She would cry, I would eat. She would sleep, I would eat. It became a vicious cycle. The one thing I can say about all of this is that my husband never complained. My husband never said a word about my weight. Funny, because now, when we look at pictures he says he never saw it.
As one baby became two, and then three, my weight continued to rise. It didn't matter what I tried, I could not lose weight! If I did, it would last for a month or two and then come back. I dieted, I exercised, I starved myself, I cried, I screamed and then I ate! It was rough! When my youngest son then was to enter kindergarten I was diagnosed with hyperthyroid and borderline diabetes. I was a gestational diabetic with both pregnancy but now it was becoming a very real thing!
In 2007 I made the tough decision to try bariatric surgery. At the start of my Lap-Band journey I was 276 pounds! Yes! Can you believe that? When I had my first visit with the doctor they told me I had to follow the Lap-Band diet for 6 months to see if I could stick to it and to see if I could handle it. I saw a psychologist and a nutritionist weekly and for the first time in 30 years, I was losing weight and keeping it off.
 |
| Starting to lose weight... |
 |
| The day of my Lap Band Surgery (1/21/2007)! |
The day of my surgery on January 21st, 2007, I was 256 pounds. I was nervous, excited, sad and elated all at the same time. Why? Because people love to talk shit! Yup! I said it. So many people had the nerve to say that I took the "easy" way out. Do you know how angry that made me? Easy? Being put under general anesthesia, getting the skin around your stomach cut up and your real stomach tied up and connected to a port that is sewed underneath your skin in an area just below your bellybutton. Yeah, real f$cking easy! It was painful, scary and sometimes traumatic. Still, until this day, when I eat rice or something similar, food can get stuck to the point that it feels like your drowning in your own food. So, yeah, real easy! It was one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make but I wanted to feel "light". I wanted to be able to run around with my kids, play ball and enjoy life without walking from one corner of a block to another without losing my breath.
 |
| Me at 145 lbs! |
Surgery worked! In a year I lost about 115 pounds! You would NEVER understand how that felt! I was excited and so full of energy! It took a lot though! I couldn't eat certain foods. I had a very hard time adjusting to no rice, bread, and sometimes even meats could be hard to eat. I made it work though! Did I cry? yes! I sometimes still do! Did I get frustrated? Of course! It wasn't and still isn't easy. But I made it work because my health was more important! My thyroid went into remission and my diabetes was gone. I was excited and doing so much more!
Then mom gets sick... and on top of that I get pregnant! Sad and happy at the same time. My depression returned due to my mother's illness and my morning sickness was 24 hours a day! My lap band had to be completely opened and I found that to be a license to eat! And boy did I eat. At the end of my pregnancy I had gained 40 pounds back! Yup! My emotions took over and I let myself go...
 |
| 6 weeks after Jangel was born! |
Jangel is born and 6 weeks later I lose my mother. She was my life and I didn't know what I would do without her. So I ate! I was home with the baby and I ate! I cried and I ate! I was back at 220 by June of 2012.
 |
| The summer after the baby and mami's death. (2012) |
As I start to realize that I needed to get back to a healthy me and also start to recover from losing the most important woman in my life, I start to take back my health. I go back to the doctors, I start eating right and using my lap band correctly. I slowly, start to lose the weight. Little by little I regained control of what was controlling me! Although my weight fluctuated a little bit, in September of 2016 I finally decided to get a Panniculectomy. What is that you ask? It is the removal of excess skin in your abdominal area. It is not a tummy tuck! It is a medical procedure used to correct stretched skin from excess weight and pregnancy. In very easy terms, they basically cut the excess skin off, pull the skin left over down to meet the skin from your pelvic area and they make you a new belly button! Why did I chose to have it? Because when you have excess skin you tend to get rashes, infections, and the skin is very sensitive. It's not pretty and very painful!
 |
| BEFORE the Panniculectomy! |
 |
| AFTER the Panniculectony! |
On October 21st, 2016 I went in and had 5.5 pounds of excess skin removed! Yes! 5 pounds! F$CK was it painful! The scar goes from one side of my pelvic bone to the other! (NOT LIKE A C-SECTION! I've had 3 of those and they where only about 5 inches long and they didn't take this long to heal!) I had 2 tubes with plastic bulbs, which I called my testicles, that hung from my groin area to remove the excess fluid from my body. I walked like the hunchback of Notre Dame for weeks because my skin felt like it would just rip open. There was no muscle cutting or fixing because again, this was medically necessary! 5.5 pounds might not seem like much to a lot of people but holy shit does it make a difference weight wise and esthetically. Not to sound nasty or morbid but it feels good to see things you hadn't been able to see in a while! Yup! You know exactly what I mean! Shit! I look good! I can laugh now, but boy was it hard to recover. I still get sharp pains in the scar area and sometimes if I stretch too much it feels really weird.I did it though! It took 10 years, 2 surgeries, and whole lot of hard work, perseverance and push back, but I did it! I still have about 20 pounds to lose (as I gained about 10 pounds after surgery because I couldn't exercise!) but I'm working on it!
 |
| 4 days after my Panni! <3 |
 |
| Me today! |
Why my story? Because it's who I am and where I've been. Because if I can help someone by telling my story, then it was worth the 10 plus years it took me to get here and the 30 minutes it took me to write it. So, if you think you can't; guess again! Anyone can do ANYTHING they want. They just need to want it enough! Take it from me; YOU got this!
Comments
Post a Comment