Crazy times calls for drastic measures.
Day 7: I’ve slept about 20 hours in the past week. Insomnia on full blast... again! I get up, check my emails, Facebook, Twitter, Snap, instagram, Google Classroom, Remind messages and texts. I have my coffee, I light the hookah and I start to overthink. Yup! It’s who I am. I flip through the channels, nothing. I browse Netflix, nothing. I browse prime, Hulu, pantaya and HBO... nothing. I pick  shows, movies, whatever at random and just play them for the noise... the sound of voices... the music... anything to stop the mind from wandering... from overthinking. I reach out to my students (yes even on a Sunday!), my family, my friends, anyone and everyone. I pick at the fucking pimples on my face that my 44 year old ass now has. Wtf? Stress sucks! I’ve come to the realization that everything I’ve been through the past 5 years has brought me to this moment. Has prepared me for this time! I give thanks for my part time job as it keeps me connected to the outside world. I get to go out, hear stories, and help those who others can’t reach. Today I’m home for the day and I wish I had to work. I thrive on human contact and this is hard. We were put on lockdown in PR for Maria in 2017 with the biggest difference being that today we have power, running water and we are not on an island. I pray hard for my family and loved ones in Puerto Rico as I know first hand how crazy things can get there. I worry about my son who’s lungs aren’t as strong as they should be... today I’m an emotional mess and I own it. The past 7 days I’ve had panic attacks on a daily basis, I cry on my way to and from work, I pray and argue with God daily, I use so much hand sanitizer that my hands are raw and I use so much disinfecting sprays and wipes that I’m pretty sure the lining of my lungs are immune to any virus here or coming. Mi mind knows we will be ok and this will be over at some point, but my heart... yeah my heart doesn’t get it. It’s trying... but it still hurts and still feels. I share my thoughts as I know I’m not the only one. I’m ok with people knowing how vulnerable I can be. I am ok with saying I, in some ways, am scared. It’s normal. It’s human. Don’t hold your feelings in. The damage you do to yourself is not worth it. Feel. Cry. Scream. And then pray. We will get through this! This too shall pass! It’s my survival skill. I hope it helps you too. Stay strong and stay healthy. I’m here if you need to talk. Blessings always! - Olguita

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