2016 WILL be better!

Happy New year! it's been a while but life has kept me busy. I am in the middle of a midlife crisis and my baby is sick. I am in awe of people, life, the government, and even of the world. I am disgusted with things that have gone on in general. I'm a bit scared to leave my house sometimes and when I'm in very congested places I tend to panic a bit. I guess things have changed. Human life is no longer respected. It's scary out there. I'm usually not a negative person but things... Life has made me a little bit jaded. I've distanced myself from everything and everyone who I think will hurt me. Why? Because I've gone into protective mode. I'm tired of being hurt, used, abused and then thrown away. I'm tired of having to be the strong one, the centered one, the go to! I want to be fragile; if just for a bit.

This past year has been rough. I've gone through some trials and tribulations but I've made it. I've suffered silently and have held on to my God and my faith and that has gotten me through it. Things aren't perfect right now, but they are on the mend. I have realized that I am the only one who can make me happy. I am the only one who can pull me through. This is not to say that my friends and family can't or don't help; this is to say that I can't be better if I don't do my part as well. So, I'm on the mend. I am going to be better. I am going to try harder and I will make it through. I will distance myself from those who don't deserve me and I will pull closer those who do. I am who I am and I will not change for anyone. I will admit it hurts as I've had to say goodbye to some I love. I've had to distance myself from things I enjoy, but this is for the best. Right now, this is what needs to be done. This is not meant to hurt or insult, but I need to do this. I pray you understand. I pray that you too can heal and mend your ways. I'll be here when and if you do. Right now, I have to do me and my family.

So, here goes nothing! Cheers to the new year, new ideas, new me! May it be stronger and better than last year! I''m hoping I keep writing and can keep you posted on my successes and my failures, as they are learning experiences. Maybe you too can learn from them. Feliz Año Nuevo! Bendecidos sean. :)

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